Eternal Perspective

It overwhelms me sometimes to think of everything God has done in just the past few months. Through my broken heart, He has completley changed my heart and desires. It amazes me the little things that were important to me before Mills, aren't that important any more. Things that used to bother me, not so much anymore. He has replaced these desires and thoughts with something far greater. Part of me aches for the ease of life when there was no need of knowing, Living the comfortable christian life. My eyes have been opened, and there is no turning back. He has shown me there is a much bigger picture than my narrow mind can process. Proverbs 24;12, says"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12. Through Mills, He has given me an eternal perspective, that replaces every desire I have known before. He has shown me how much I NEED Him and His grace daily, and I want to know Him better than ever before.

I have read a lot of wonderful books latley and the last two are "Crazy Love" and "Radical" Both of these books describe the "american dream" as literally ruining true intimacy with the Lord in America. How our culture defines success, and God defines success are two totally different things. David Platt says in "Radical" "Wake up and realize there are infinetly more important things in our lives than football and a 401K. Wake up and realize there are real battles to be fought, so different from the superficial battles we focus on. Wake up to the countless multitudes who are currently destined for a Christless eternity." But how quickly we as Christians judge our spirtual lives by church attendance and the "good" things we do. Don't get me wrong, church attendance and good deeds are important, but they are fruits from our hearts, not actions. Christians today like the God that fits into our lives and schedules. We compare ourselves to others, "I am not a hard core jesus freak like them, but I'm not as bad as the guy down the street" Yet the bible says,"All our righteous acts are like filthy rags" Isaiah 64:6. Our good deeds can never outweigh our sins. We give Him our leftovers, and then expect him to just bless our socks off. We love Jesus, and he a part of our lives, but only a part. We give Him a section of our money, time and thoughts, but we want to control our OWN lives.

As I have said before about "comfort zones" God is teaching me a lot. I have really been convicted about where I spend my time, thoughts, and money. It's easier to remain in the safety of where we've always been, doing the things we've always done. But we are missing out on what God intends for us! Through the 6 weeks of Mills life, I literally had to let go of every dream I ever had for my life or my family. I had to let go of everything I tried desperatley to hold on to. And just TRUST, that He was in control of Mills life, my life and my family's life, not me. And his plan, is so much bigger than I can fathom. It's a very humbling experience when you feel God so close, you feel like you could literally touch him. That's how we felt with Mills. He was ever present in our time of trouble. In the weeks following Mills death, I desperatly felt the need to fix the pain, rise above it, and kick this heartbreak to the curb. But the Lord knew what he meant when He said "Be still and know that I am God" And in the stillness, He has taught me more, loved me more and showed me more sinfulness in my life than I could imagine.

So, the truth is, nothing about Jesus life on earth was comfortable, in fact He was hated. True christianity isn't comfortable, it's dying of your selfish desires, wants and needs to follow Him.
And there is nothing about that is easy..

I love this from "Radical", "The gift of grace involves the gift of a new heart. New desires. New Longings. For the first time we want God. We see our need for Him and we love Him. We seek after Him, and we find Him, we discover that he is indeed the great reward of our salvation. We realize that we are not saved just to be forgiven of our sins or to be assured of our eternity in heaven, but we are saved to know God. So we yearn for Him. This is the only response to the revelation of the gospel"

I'm excited to see what God is doing in our family's life. I know He has great things in store. Right now, I am praying, a lot, that God will continue to lift my eyes to Him, and ways I can live unselfishly for Him. With a heavy heart, I am grateful for what God has done in my life through Mills. Being as close as I, my own self, was to death, and then feeling Mills breath one moment, and that next moment He was with Jesus. You realize how close and real Heaven is, literally one breath away. It is impossible to not have your perspective lifted above. I realized how close I was to standing at His throne at 31 years old, and He wasn't really interested about how many church services I attended or what scraps of my life I had thrown His way. What had I truly sacrificed in this life for Him?
So, through my hurt, I am thankful. My heart breaks for those who have gone before me on this path, those who know the agony of losing someone they never really got to know. And my heart aches for those who are yet to tread here, where I am. I pray for them, and I pray that God will lift their eyes to His face and show them comfort that only come from Him and give them an "eternal perspective" only HE can give