Friday, July 23, 2010

Mills Thomas Methvin

I wrote this, the week of June 24th, the week Mills was due, I wanted to post it for those who haven't read it.

This week, marks a very special ,yet painful, time in our lives. This week, we were were supposed to meet our precious Mills. And to be quite honest, I didn't realize it would be as difficult as it has been for me. I don't know why, I guess I thought it would be like any other week, good days and bad. But the realism of the "what should be" sometimes can overwhelm you. Then I have to remind myself that Mills came exactly when he was "supposed" to come, just not according to MY plan.We met him, loved him, and held him exactly when we were meant to. I know in my heart that God's plan for Mills life is far greater than I can fathom. I am humbled to have been chosen to be his mommy, to have been blessed to have known him, even for the short six weeks. That little guy taught us more than some ever realize in a lifetime!

We often think of blessings in the form of material things, protection, health and happiness. And those are all forms of blessings, but the truth is, some of the Lord's GREATEST and WOW blessings often times come alongside pain and suffering. I like the quote. "When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for which has been your delight!" For a God, as HOLY as our God, to have chosen to reveal himself to my family in our time of need, is the most humbling thing I have ever encountered. To think that, God, that created everything that we can fathom and more, wants to have an intimate relationship with ME, and cares about my life, no matter what kind of sinner I am or how bad I mess up. And he wants that with everyone of us!

I recently read a book titled "Plan B' Its perfect for all you people like me, when something in our life doesn't go according to "OUR" plan. And for all those "Type A's" out there (myself included) when this happens, it can rock your world to say the least! I wanted to share a portion of this book, because it really ministered to me.

"Because of Jesus, suffering is never the last word, We're promised if we put our trust in him, there will be a day when he "will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death, sadness, crying or pain, (Rev 21:4)
That's the promise. That's the last word-that ultimatley God wil defeat the pain and heartbreak of this world. That's he's already defeated it, but we're just living out the aftermath of the battle. That there WILL be a day when all is restored." Plan B, Pete Wilson

When unexpected things happen in our lives(and they will) we all have a choice to make.The choice of Faith. Faith is saying, I choose to believe in you God, more than this circumstance. Because He is the one constant, that never changes. He weeps with us because we can't see what He sees, but one day, very soon, we will see. His compassion is so Great, and He is ALWAYS faithful, even if we don't like the outcome, He has our best at heart. He gives and takes away, and I know that I am called to glorify Him, no matter the circumstances, it doesn't mean I am going to understand it!

I do believe that in one way or another, God answered our prayers to heal Mills. It wasn't here on this earth, the way we wanted it to be, but I have complete faith that he is whole. And we WILL see him and hold him again. I still struggle daily with my false sense of control, but God is teaching me I was never in control in the first place. The only thing we can control is how we respond. We can be bitter or allow God to make us better. I want to be better. As Christians, we aren't promised a "pain free" life, We are promised He will walk with us through every day, during heartache and happiness!

We are still healing, and we still have a LONG way to go. But God is faithful,and He is showing me things daily, that blow me away! Our journey of faith didn't come easy,we had our share of anger and doubt, but we honestly had no idea how to survive without believing God was in control! I am thankful God spared my life, and He wasn't finished with me here just yet :)! I know that God has a plan for Mills life, and in His timing, not MY timing, He will begin revealing that to us. I am thankful for the people God has placed in our life, that continue to support us emotionally and prayerfully and share this journey. And I know in my heart that , "Mills life will not return void to God, it will accomplish the purpose for which he was sent" Isaiah 55:11

"Out of these ashes, Beauty will Rise, and we will know the joy that's coming in the morning!"SCC

Thanks for reading my heart, just felt the Lord wanted me to share this today! Love to all-Rebekah

1 comment:

  1. Rebekah, I love this post, even more on this 2nd time reading it through after getting to spend time with you and having heard more of your heart and your story. I am so thankful that I got to share those "wide-eyed" college days with you and that we are able to connect as friends on the mommy/woman level also. Looking forward to keeping up with you this way too!